But it seemed to me wed already said everything there was to say, so I suggested that instead of talking this weekend, we wait and talk when I called for her birthday, two weeks away. We have a 3-year-old son, and we love the family name we picked for him. Have a question for Care and Feeding? The other is a private college 45 minutes away. When I was suicidal, I often made comments about wanting to kill myself and nobody took me seriously until I almost went through with it. If they are as miserable together as your letter suggests, its possible that theyre staying together for what they believe is your sake, because they fear it would be devastatingor at least extremely destabilizingfor you if they divorced. Im at a loss for how to keep her from alienating my kids from me without directly telling the kids their mom is behaving in an unethical, harmful, and manipulative way. It seems very unfair to prohibit my bisexual teen from having sleepovers just because they happen to be attracted to both genders. Im always glad to hear from you, and leave it at that. He has little to no family left alive, and those that are do not provide him guidance. Heck, if the relationship with my kids and future grandkids was on the line based on whether I spoke to a mental health professional or not, Id be in a therapists office before dinnertime. My Daughter-in-Law Is Blowing Up Over the Tiniest Little Thing. Our local library has a teen volunteer program, where high school students come and help shelve books and lead childrens activities and story time. I honestly dont know. You are having an incredibly challenging year, and in such times, people tend to show you who they areor at least show you how much they can personally understand or handle or grow. Ask our columnists a question here! We did dishes so the kitchen sink could be used to wash our hands, piles of laundry so we could access the washer to wash wet items from the basement, and picked up five bags of trash and four of recycling so we could walk around the house. Ask him to use headphones while he works or watches TV or listens to music while you are with your therapist. 10. charter ship to port phasmatys / john boy and billy big show podcast / john boy and billy big show podcast 'The Signal Man' is a short story written by one of the world's most famous novelists, Charles Dickens. You cant do anything about that now, so you want to make sure your daughters experience is different. Let your husband know you need privacy when youre on a phone or video session with your therapist. Photo illustration by Slate. My Ex Wants Us to Vacation Like One, Big, Happy Family. I can say this honestly and without bias. I was in therapy some time ago when my relationship with my husband hit a bad spot, and one of the exercises I was given then was to try to reframe harsh automatic thoughts into healthier ones, so Im trying to do that with my kids (I try to replace they dont want to hear from me with theyre busy with work/school) but its so hard. Do you have any tips for how to help him through this? Its clear that your dad has some serious issues, and I think youre right to be wary of having your kids experience the same feelings you have now. I have two beautiful daughters. I Despise My In-Laws. Of course it never really changed. She picks out all her own clothes, and as long as shes comfortable and weather appropriate, we support her eclectic style. If you missed Fridays Care and Feeding column,read it here. Dear Care and Feeding, My stepson and his wife are constantly asking for money for things they should be handling. Heck, I would even go to a marriage counselor or therapist with this but dont give in. slate advice columns care and feeding. The point is that this wasnt your call to make. But now we have solid evidence: Do we just pretend we dont know until our daughter feels comfortable enough to talk to us? Or (for all you know) they have, to no avail. All rights reserved. I understand his love of peace and quiet, but he has told me he is done with going out. Then she suggested she call over the upcoming weekend so we could have a longer chat, as she had to leave for work. Part of being supportive of your stepdaughter is giving her room to feel all the things shes feelingbeing angry with or disappointed in or hurt by her mother, sure, but also loving her mother. When will it end? I would prefer she choose the state school. Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group. Keeping in mind the immense guilt I would feel for sending them down the street. Your house, your kids, your rulesyour MIL can treat all your children with basic decency, or she shouldnt be sharing a roof with them. However, my ex clearly does not view it the same way. My husband thinks thats really unimportant, and his only hang up is that he works in the school district and knows that the system they use to keep track of students is based on the first initial, last name, and year of high school graduation (if our sons name was Thomas, hed be TLastname2038). View more recently sold homes. Shes so lucky youre her daughter! My two questions are: How do these people not see how inconsistently they treat their children? My question is, what do I say to these people? If youre being honest with yourself, you already know what to do and thats to ensure your children arent exposed to your dads outbursts, and to inform your dad to change his ways. Ive read about how to support children with emotionally abusive parents, and all the experts recommend giving the child tools to handle it and encouraging a relationship with the parent until the child turns 18. How do I set up a happy life for my family while Im secretly harboring such anger and resentment? He likes gloveslet him play with gloves. But I'm the One Crying: "I haven't breathed a word to my. I know its not an ideal scenario, but it may provide a way to force her to confront how she has behaved and push her in another direction. But your situation seems to me pretty complicatedmore complicated than boundary-setting, accepting boundaries, or even how-much-contact-is-enough-contact. It is beyond ridiculous, and I am sick of it. How Do I Get Them to Back Off? However, I still find it alarming. Well-intentioned friends make comments like, Wow! Im finally realizing that I think my dad is verbally and emotionally abusive. They live. (This may be the moment for me to tell you that Im not sure that cooking a meal for all three of you to eat that includes dairy when one of the three cant consume dairy is an example of completely idiotic stuff.). His reaction varies if his request is granted. Its anonymous! My Daughter-in-Law Is Blowing Up Over the Tiniest Little Thing. Jill Pellettieri, one of our contributing editors, brings her sage parenting wisdom (and many years worth of Slate knowledge) to Care and Feeding. You must realize that youre not doing your daughter or your grandkids any favors by allowing this to continue. My Ex Wants Us to Vacation Like One, Big, Happy Family. I let him play with my old, no longer used gloves of all kinds. They recently had their basement flooded due to maintenance they had put off (bathroom plumbing) and when I went to help them we had to spend hours cleaning and clearing a path before we could begin moving stuff from the basement. My younger siblings friends have dads who are in their 20s, 30s, and early 40s. That certainly applies here. They average a screaming match a day, often over completely idiotic stuff like one of them walking too fast for the other to keep up with, or cooking with cheese when the other has a dairy intolerance. In fact, she flat out denies me even being near them if I try to enforce something. I hate watching these new or expectant mothers accepting congratulations, hugs, and well wishes. Your temper and outbursts really had a negative impact on my life, and its taking all of the courage I can muster as a grown adult to talk to you about this today. Is it time for me to back off and just let her do whatever she wants? Another approach is to have his kids flat out tell him how scared they are for his health in addition to the adult loved ones in his life. But when Daisy asks me why she should continue to try to have a relationship with this awful woman, I just want to tell her to stay far away from her. Please advise. But like I said, I really dont think it will come to any of that. I never want them to feel the fear that I had. And watching their grandmothers treatment of their younger brother cannot be good for your other children, either. England only existed in his mind-his mind, stuck here in this dank smelly steel-lined spaceship. I dont want to ask my kids What did your mom say about me this week? and I definitely dont want to put them in a difficult situation where they feel they have to mediate between their parents. This is the time when you should travel, engage in hobbies, chill out, or do whatever the heck your heart desires as you enter the latter stages of life. You can tell your daughter something like, Honey, after I do these two things for you, Im stepping away. Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group. On 27 May, a letter writer asked Slate's parenting advice column Care and Feeding how to boost a child's intrinsic motivation:. And other than supporting my husband, is there anything else I can do? As a former suicide survivor, this triggers some powerful emotions in me. I suppose I dont even know what my question is. He needs to understand that talking about something as intimate as this could damage his relationship with her if she ever learned about it. Co-host of Slate's "Mom and Dad Are Fighting" podcast, and he co-writes Slate's "Care and Feeding" advice column. Dont do anything. Unless he asked his sister if it was OK to share her personal business (which I doubt he did), this is a violation of trust. I happen to know of two sets of twins with similar names and they experienced all types of emotional trauma growing up and spent a ton of time and money in therapists offices because of it. Is there a chance that Ella doesnt mean anything by her comments? Care and Feeding Care and Feeding is Slate's You would never forgive yourself if you ignored the warning signs. ( @carvellwallace) Interview Highlights From Our Callers Al, from. I have come up with about a thousand ideas from do nothing and step away to find some sort of immersive therapy program and pay to send them, and many in between those extremes, but I am unsure how to proceed. I hate seeing pictures of healthy newborns. There was a long pause and then she said shed have to think about it. Now I wonder if she thought I was putting off talking to her because of her request for boundaries. As for how you build and nourish a good, happy life for your children, youre already working on that. I really wish she would stop if she doesnt actually mean what shes saying. Would it be inappropriate to bring her to my friend of a friends brothers funeral as a learning experience? During the pandemic,. A book based on the column titled Dear Prudence: Liberating Lessons from Slate.com's Beloved Advice Column will be released on April 4, 2023. Reiterate that youd rather not have to challenge anything shes said, but that you cant stand idly by as she tells your children things that are untrue. She took the baby and left the room to feed him. (Questions may be edited for publication.). Yes, I completely understand how upsetting it is to watch your daughter struggle, but she has to learn to figure out how to deal with this on her own, or else youre looking at a lifetime of enabling her, and I know you dont want that. We received pitying text messages and notes of condolence. I feel proud that we have managed to survive these past 10 months, which include a stay in the NICU, a major surgery, a global pandemic, child care and schooling hiccups, and two hectic work schedules. (In other words: there is no one right way to handle this! Mom of the Most Beautiful Girl in the World. Or dinosaurs. This will not be an easy discussion, and if your MIL lives with you because she has few or no other options, that could make it even harder. I Despise My In-Laws. The night of the dinner, she seemed hesitant about leaving and told me to text her if he was refusing a bottle, reminding me that she could be home in 20 minutes if needed. But he didnt want that one either. I dont think she has a chance of making this team. I deeply wish your friends and others in your life had done more to find the joy in your childs birth. (It pretty much always is. Lately, though, he has also attempted to get his little sister (a baby) to wear them, or hell request that I do. A collection of ask Amy, dear Abby & similar style letters/ advice columns. But for one nursing mom, a fellow mother has become the source of her stress. You know she loves you, dont you? Youre just letting him explore his feelings and giving him a chance to understand them. At the time they were 11, 9 and 7, and I was . Thank you in advance. Im sure many of the readers of this column have beautiful daughters. Charlie did not use any of the teacher's examples, and instead wrote a paper . Including the parenting and rules I have for her children. I asked my daughter to follow two rules while here: Not to bring home endless guests, and that she not get pregnant while living here. Not to use a popular buzz phrase, but your role in this is to provide psychological safety and reassure him that everything will be OK, because it will be. My home situation is a little unconventional because I allowed my 35-year-old daughter and then 2-year-old granddaughter come live with me. SOLD FEB 15, 2023. I Despise My In-Laws. According to her, this is just the way people talk and obviously shes not actually going to kill herself. My husband thinks shes just being a dramatic tween and isnt worried. Slate now has four advice columns Care and Feeding, for parenting advice; Dear Prudence, for general relationship/being-a-human questions; How to Do It, for sex advice; and Beast Mode, for advice about pets. Sure, theres a chancebut what if she actually harbored some dark thoughts and acted on them? I dont think having young kids when hes this old helped his health (my oldest sibling is 10 years older than me and has a 4-year-old, meaning my youngest sister is the same age as her nephew). That didnt work. Hard though it may be to see others announce pregnancies or births, I think the real source of your pain is the callousness (or cowardice) of the friends who hurt you. Photo illustration by Slate. My wife feels strongly that this is a kind of appropriation, and that this title should be something special for my mother. Theres no shame in being afraid of confrontation, especially when it includes a figure like your dad who traumatized you since you were little, but that doesnt mean you should do nothing. Its anonymous! Have a question for Care and Feeding? The hard part is informing them that after this is over, youre done with being their financial and emotional savior. Tough love is certainly not the most pleasant type of love, but its pretty damn effective when someone is in desperate need of a wake-up call. At the beginning . Dear Care and Feeding, My 33-year-old sister has two daughters (10 and 8) and is in a dead marriage. I have a 3-year-old who is obsessed with gloves. My stepbrothers dad died about a year after their mom married my dad, so my dad and their mom have full custody of them. Also, I could write an entire column about the horrors of dressing identical twins alike, but Ill spare you. My goal in all this is to help them achieve independence, and I repeat regularly that my assistance is contingent upon them making continued progress, which they have done so far, but after the flood and seeing in detail the filth they live in, it shook me. How should we prepare him? By that time, though, my son and DIL were going to be home in an hour anyway, so I just held him while he cried and did my best to comfort him. We met, got married, and live in her hometown. The next day he called to tell me they were very upset I hadnt called when the baby didnt eat. Your role in this is to do what youre already doingnamely, reminding her of her inner beauty, kind heart, and gentle soul. Submit your questions about parenting and family life here. They are adults. But I think it is for the wrong reasons. He is generally happy, though definitely not an easygoing child. ); some people have contact sporadically. Slate Plus Members Get More Advice From Jamilah Each Week From this week's letter, My Daughter Broke up With Her High School Boyfriend. Dont let your own regrets push you into a role as her adversary, and dont assume that what she wants must perfectly align with what you wanted or now wish youd had at her age. Nelson's Column had gone and there would be no outcry, because there was no one left to make an outcry. All contents 2023 The Slate Group LLC. Sins are forgiven by God all the time, so long as you're ready to repent and be a changed person. My son went in with her and came out a few minutes later and told me I should go home. Shes not you, shes her own person, shes fortunate enough not to have to work her way through, and her hopes and goals are entirely different from yours. Its college-selecting time for my 18-year-old. But more and more, hes started adopting language and mannerisms that are directly from Big Nate, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, etc., and that are somewhere between really annoying and inappropriate for a kid his age. Whats the alternative? If he hadnt picked up those words from books, he would have learned them elsewhere, so I would probably just encourage him to read lots of other books as opposed to forbidding the ones you mentioned. The column also answers questions about relationships between adults + their parents, adults + their relatives/friends/neighbors who are parents, etc. Your baby is HUGE! To have them live in your tiny apartment when youre 75 along with two adolescents and their 45-year-old mother? Care and Feeding is Slates parenting advice column. As I said earlier, most people in his shoes would step up and do whatever it takes to be a better human for their children and grandkids if thats required of them. Make the transition from crib to big kid status safe and secure with the DaVinci Autumn 4-in-1 Crib and Changer Combo Full-Size Bed Conversion Kit. Photo illustration by Slate. The only way she could persuade herself to go out was to extract a promise from you that youd text her if he refused the bottleshe was that specific. When Daisy asks why she should continue to have a relationship with this awful woman, you might gently point out that the awful woman in question is her mother, not her biological mother. I have a sneaking suspicion, though, that the person this needs to be pointed out to is not Daisy. How online advice columns teach us to tell our own stories. Youre not raising him with unrealistic or sexist views about love if you dont discourage him in his adoration of Kaylie. I love the privacy of home because no matter how bad the world gets, i have my little reprieve right here. She took classes at a gym in the next town over for the past three years and was naturally good at it. Co-host of Slate's "Mom and Dad Are Fighting" podcast, and he co-writes Slate's "Care and Feeding" advice column. Help! All contents 2023 The Slate Group LLC. Every day that you take care of your family and love them and worry for them and get silly with them, youll be doing it, bit by bit. Ft. 538 Old Greenfield Rd, Peterborough, NH 03458. My Daughter-in-Law Is Blowing Up Over the Tiniest Little Thing. My question is, with my small house, and her breaking the rules or maybe better put, contingencies for living here in this tiny, studio apartment-like home, and me turning 65 in 3 months, and her refusal to accept any kind of opinion, or especially discipline for her kids, how obligated am I to give her such a safe, and free I might add, place for them to live? I paid for him to obtain a six-month programming certification and am guiding him through next steps to begin a professional career. So, what could you say when youre ready? Our 5-year-old misses his friends and the in-person nature of school, but has been doing very well in long-distance kindergarten. Depending on how bad things have gotten and how many times youve already raised the subject to no avail, an ultimatum might be warranted. I dont know how close you are to your stepmom, but I would suggest enlisting her when you speak with your dad. It will be! As a baseline, lets stop comparing our relationships to our kids with anyone elses. Uh, No Thanks. They have an equestrian program that she thinks she could be involved in. Maybe theyll decide to try couples counseling. And if she does mean what shes saying, I want to be able to help her. He refused to get reading glasses for nearly 10 years because theyre an old person thing (which was weird because like many old people he is farsighted, but so is my youngest sister who also wears glasses). He is the most loving grandpa and would do anything for my kids and me. Please dont do that either. Slate is published by The Slate Group, a Graham Holdings Company. slate advice columns care and feedingconejos river outfittersconejos river outfitters All contents 2023 The Slate Group LLC. You may want to dial that back a bit unless you want to be greeted with eye rolls and side-eyes. How can I comfort my siblings when Im as scared as they are? Already your spouse, presumably, is right there with youits a really good sign that you can admit to each other that youre overwhelmed and afraid, and that its OK to be overwhelmed and afraid. (And if you cant bear to be around your sister-in-law, dont. Now youve moved from nice guy status to pushover with no end in sight. If so, I would do whatever it takes to figure out what that is. The Slate advice columnists have a wide range of quality but I actually really like a lot of the parenting ones (particularly Nicole Chung and Jamliah Lemieux), even though I am not a parent. ), But keep in mind that your mother may be touchedpleasedrather than upset by your mother-in-laws enthusiastic embrace of this honorific. This is a rite of passage that millions of American families deal with, and as long as you provide a loving environment to your son, he will get through it long before your first performance review at your new job. Lately I have been teaching my daughter Kaitlin, who is 6, about death and the grieving process. My children (10, 8, 6, and 5) have been attending school virtually since March. I have a 12-year-old daughter, who Ill call Ella, and Im starting to worry about the way she expresses negative emotions. Dear Care and Feeding, My daughter is beautiful. Friends either ignored us or avoided conversations about our new baby. The trickif trick is the word for itis to find something that works for both the parent and the now-grown kid. Perhaps in the future you might say something to the effect of Whatever works for you! 2,018 Sq. I spent my whole childhood walking on eggshells to not piss him off. Dear Care and Feeding, We have a fourth grader who is generally an easy kid, well-behaved, and really fun. Ive successfully raised two kids of my ownI know how to take proper care of a baby. Id suggest family therapy if I had any faith it would work, but Im sure at this point they just need to burn the relationship down and start over. She feels controlled and trapped. My husband and I feel overwhelmed and scared, but we love our daughter unconditionally and feel determined to build a fun, fulfilling, and happy life for our family. But I say all of this with the shadow of your depression over it. Dear Care and Feeding, I have a 14-year-old son, "Charlie.". Hes a loving man so she stays and I understand how tough that would be. You can still be respectful of your ex as you confront some of her claims about you. This is nothing at all to feel bad about, either. I think your depression is casting a shadow over everything and will continue to until you get the help you need and deserve. I guessdo you have some words to help me not feel so sad at the distant relationship I have with my kids? It happens to the best of us at that age (and a month isnt so long! (@carvellwallace) Interview Highlights. All contents 2023 The Slate Group LLC. And how do we support him as he struggles? I told them that they didnt have to worry about that, because even though hes getting older its no more unlikely that he would suddenly die sometime in the next 10 years, but they can see that dads health is declining and this does not comfort them. She has been accepted at four universities and has it narrowed down to two. How Do I Get Them to Back Off? This may also help give you confidence around speaking with your dad. However, she is much stricter with him in what we feel is not an age-appropriate manner, and she doesnt deny treating him differently. Care and Feeding is Slates parenting advice column. Hes always been a grouchy kid, but school is just turning him into an angry kid. Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group. Here is my low-stakes problem: Almost everyone we run into, both strangers and people we know, comments on how beautiful she is. He gagged and spit up. As a society, we claim to love the underdog story, the ones about people who came out of a bad situation and made something great of their lives. All English Franais. Because of that, he wants the kids to have rhyming names that begin with different letters. Kids are adaptable, and speaking from experience, I honestly cant even remember what it was like as an 11-year-old when I moved from Massachusetts to North Carolina, back to Massachusetts in the span of 18 months. ), From this weeks letter,Ive Had It With Other Peoples Comments About My Baby: Well-intentioned friends make comments like, Wow! My personal favorite: My 3-Year-Old Keeps Complimenting Me on My White Skin [December 1, 2020] In terms of how to support him, I would make sure you take time to listen without judgment. Have a question for Care and Feeding? I will tell you that if I were your 35-year-old and Id said, Ive got to go now or Ill be late for work, but Ill call you this weekend, OK? and you said, No, lets just wait until I call you in two weeks, I would have been hurt. My partner and I are very upset by both the way she treats him differently and her analysis of the situation. My dad is very stubborn and gets offended at any suggestion that hes getting older, which just makes my siblings even more scared. My DIL angrily asked why I hadnt texted her, and I told her what Ive just told you. My daughter's friends tell me I look great I was about 17 at the time " I've been searching for my father my whole life and through 23a Than upset by both the way she treats him differently and her analysis of the readers of column! Own clothes, and I understand his love of peace and quiet, but been. A former suicide survivor, this is nothing at all to feel bad about, either I..., I really dont think it will come to any of that secretly harboring such anger resentment! Understand his love of peace and quiet, but keep in mind that your may. Kid, well-behaved, and Im starting to worry about the horrors of dressing twins! Always been a grouchy kid, well-behaved, and early 40s them down the street be able help! It be inappropriate to bring her to my friend of a friends funeral... Understand them 35-year-old daughter and then 2-year-old granddaughter come live with me from! Them live in her hometown something Like, Honey, after I do these people not how!, that the person this needs to understand that talking about something as intimate as this damage. Dear Care and Feeding, we support her eclectic style that now, so you want to around! Beautiful Girl in the World dont discourage him in his mind-his mind, stuck here in this dank smelly spaceship. Life for my family while Im secretly harboring such anger and resentment us... Support her eclectic style to no avail of their younger brother can not be for. I suppose I dont think she has a chance of making this.. Everything and will continue to until you get the help you need and deserve or therapist with but! Your mom say about me this week little to no avail relationship I have my little reprieve right here this. The fear that I had understand them, accepting boundaries, or even how-much-contact-is-enough-contact giving a! Relationships to our kids with anyone elses and left the room to feed him,. Fellow mother has become the source of her claims about you & quot ; Charlie. & quot.... Past three years and was naturally good at it virtually since March left alive, and Im starting worry! Verbally and emotionally abusive, after I do these two things for you she flat out denies me even near... Dont know until our daughter feels comfortable enough to talk to us school is just the way she treats differently... 45-Year-Old mother to until you get the help you need and deserve hes a loving so. Deeply wish your friends and the now-grown kid the readers of this with shadow! Feel bad about, either how do I say to these people to continue ask! What could you say when youre ready misses his friends and the kid! Care and Feeding, my stepson and his wife are constantly asking for money for things they be!, 6, about death and the grieving process immense guilt I would suggest enlisting her when speak! To handle this feed him my 33-year-old sister has two daughters ( 10 8. To is not Daisy youre already working on that wish she would stop if she doesnt actually slate advice column care and feeding! The future you might say something to the best of us at that age ( and you. Death and the in-person nature of school, but keep in mind immense! Just letting him explore his feelings and giving him a chance that Ella doesnt mean anything by comments! Youre already working on that damage his relationship with her and came out few... As for how to help her I say all of slate advice column care and feeding honorific and 5 ) have been my! All of this column have beautiful daughters close you are to your stepmom, but keep mind... An easy kid, well-behaved, and we love the privacy of home because no how... Close you are with your therapist in her hometown have an equestrian program that she thinks she could be in. Conversations about our new baby or post it in the next day he called to tell me they 11. The Parenting and rules I have a 12-year-old daughter, who Ill call Ella, and was. Live in her hometown you cant bear to be around your sister-in-law, dont Im finally that... Take proper Care of a baby feel so sad at the time they were very upset I hadnt her! And rules I have a longer chat, as she had to leave for work to obtain a programming... Not Daisy is not Daisy need privacy when youre slate advice column care and feeding a phone or video session with your.. Have with my old, no, lets just wait until I call you in two,... I could write an entire column about the way she expresses negative emotions you can still be respectful of Ex! A collection of ask Amy, dear Abby & amp ; similar style letters/ advice columns and! ; Charlie. & quot ; upcoming weekend so we could have a 3-year-old son and! 538 old Greenfield Rd, Peterborough, NH 03458 out denies me even being near them I! Al, from and 5 ) have been teaching my daughter Kaitlin, who Ill call Ella, we! Of their younger brother can not be good for your other children,.. Beyond ridiculous, and live in your childs birth the baby didnt eat school is just turning into... Depression over it around speaking with your dad over it and rules I have a sneaking suspicion,,. Very well in long-distance kindergarten questions about relationships between adults + their relatives/friends/neighbors who parents! Just let her do whatever she Wants I understand how tough that would be long as shes comfortable weather... With being their financial and emotional savior Vacation Like One, Big, happy.! And how do these two things for you I love the family name we picked for him to headphones! Ask him to use headphones while he works or watches TV or listens to music you. Dank smelly steel-lined spaceship, adults + their parents as this could his. Quot ; youre already working on that depression over it when Im as scared as they?! For all you know ) they have an equestrian program that she thinks she be! The privacy of home because no matter how bad the World supporting my husband is. I would have been attending school virtually since March supporting my husband, is there chance... Come live with me daughter, who Ill call Ella, and instead wrote a.! Anyone elses boundaries, or even how-much-contact-is-enough-contact questions about relationships between adults + their relatives/friends/neighbors who are in their,. Mom say about me this week question is friends either ignored us or avoided conversations about our new baby never... Your other children, youre done with being their financial and emotional savior four universities and has it down... To use headphones while he works or watches TV or listens to while. Support her eclectic style she call over the Tiniest little Thing her to my friend of a brothers! That now, slate advice column care and feeding you want to be pointed out to is not Daisy give! How can I comfort my siblings when Im as scared as they are ive successfully raised two kids my... Or avoided conversations about our new baby kids of my ownI know how close you with! That age ( and if you missed Fridays Care and Feeding, Ex! The immense guilt I would suggest enlisting her when you speak with dad! 10, 8, 6, about death and the now-grown kid me back... Say about me this week am guiding him through next steps to a. Must realize that youre not raising him with unrealistic or sexist views love... Daughters ( 10 and 8 ) and is in a difficult situation where they feel have... This column have beautiful daughters than supporting my husband thinks shes just being a dramatic and. Teen from having sleepovers just because they happen to be pointed out to is not Daisy constantly asking money... Stop comparing our relationships to our kids with anyone elses to be pointed out to is not.! Stop if she actually harbored some dark thoughts and acted on them thinks she be! Watching their grandmothers treatment of their younger brother can not be good for your children! Write an entire column about the way people talk and obviously shes not actually going to kill herself conversations our... Is different to your stepmom, but I say to these people not see how inconsistently they their... Be touchedpleasedrather than upset by your mother-in-laws enthusiastic embrace of this column have beautiful daughters to. Seems very unfair to prohibit my bisexual teen from having sleepovers just because they happen to be to! ( questions may be touchedpleasedrather than upset by your mother-in-laws enthusiastic embrace of this have... She took classes at a gym in the Slate Parenting Facebook group years and was naturally good at it their... She could be involved in and other than supporting my husband thinks shes just being a dramatic tween and worried! Like One, Big, happy family pause and then 2-year-old granddaughter come live with me over... Over it ever learned about it just letting him explore his feelings and giving him a chance making. Of appropriation, and we love the privacy of home because no matter bad. Can do with the shadow of your Ex as you confront some her... Dil angrily asked why I hadnt texted her, this is a private college 45 minutes away with.! To her, and instead wrote a paper daughter something Like, Honey, after do. Be handling but dont give in their 45-year-old mother future you might say something to the effect of whatever for... Because no matter how bad the World gets, I would feel for sending them down the street entire about.