", "Wow!" Family Mealtime Prayer Gracious Father, the giver of life and every good thing, we are thankful for the time you have given us as a family to share a meal. Thou O Lord, bless ll our meal today, and may Thy spiritual Presence Do you know any suitable golf related graces for the occassion? "But " he said, deep in thought, "what if we offered to make Jack Nicklaus a cardinal? The Lord replied, "The good news is that in Heaven, we have thousands of championship golf courses, play is never slow, it's always free and you will never lose a golf ball. He drifts onto a deserted island, where he is stranded, all alone. I went over to it and lifted its tail, and sure enough, my wife's ball had lodged right in the heifer's posterior! But Jim-Bob started to get a little worried when they began wandering a bit, the caddie seemingly unsure of the exact location. 11 replies 19.8K views. asks the amazed elder nun. Bill exploded. 'Levator labii superioris, alaeque nasi, Amen'. ", "No problem," said the genie. As he stepped up to the tee once more, the voice came down again: "Wait. Despite all the pomp and circumstance that you might have experienced when it comes to meal blessings -- you don't need to overdo it; a simple thank you will do. Featured on this page are a number of modern prayers suitable for athletes and sports men and women to pray before an event. 6', 195 Ibs. Carpenito 12/23/07+ Simply call everyone's attention for a moment and just say thank you. 1 Great Golf One-liners: 2 Three Cheating Golfer Jokes. your putts be short and true, and,May there ever be a bit of green grass under every lie. and clean-up after myself, His ball had always fallen short, into the water. Kisser Bless the meat damn the skin open your kisser and cram it in' Good Good. God looks at them and says, "Before granting you a place at my side, I must ask you what you have learned, what you believe in. "Well, no," says the nun. This book is an invaluable resource for those called upon to say Grace before or after a meal on formal occasions. Front Page Artwork Antiques Apparel Emblems Lapel Pins Masonic Rings Jewelry Supply Shopping Cart Masonic Graces A week later, Jim-Bob returned. greenOh God, I know You are a golfer,Your work does thus demand.It seems Your only handicap,is this thing Other religions, such as Islam, Judaism and Hinduism have similar traditions involving prayers before a meal. Is something wrong, officer?". "Your Holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "The Israeli prime minister wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths. As they soon realized, this young woman was a fabulous golfer. Do you feel good in a black dinner dress and look good in cut-off jeans? "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters! Breakfast to share. Blessed art Thou oh Lord our God Years later, living in the deep south of the United States, it was common to be quelled, with fork poised, by the cod-eye of the host until a grace, either handed down through the family or . golfers leave as friends ! Work With Us | Bill screamed. He said something about winning a trophy & sticking it up Tigers bl##ck arse! In fact, Ray has been teaching Debra to play, and this is going to be her first full 18 holes of golf. Terms of Use, Privacy Policy & Cookie Policy, Posted by: user356537 | Fri 18th Nov 2011 11:19 |, re: Pre-Dinner Golfing Garce - Any Suggestions, click here to visit our new & improved forum system >>>. ", So Tom headed to church. But just then, God waived his hand and created the perfect little wind. But all of a sudden yesterday the boss says we have to travel out of town for a week. "Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly. Humorous Ways to Say Grace Before Meals Here are some humorous prayers I've written about food, plus a few from other writers. breaking the fast or iftar dinner 1710839383. Tune: Rock Around the Clock. O God, who made the earth round and hurled it into space with infinite power and accuracy, bless us who are gathered here tonight, whose aim it is to imitate your divine action on the golf course. Prayers. "An albatross! ", "Don't worry," Marvin replied, "I'll use one of my 'gotchas' on the first tee and you'll understand.". Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. Around four hours later, club members were amazed to see the pro handing Marvin $100. Send divine helpers to their rescue. Ready to laugh, then? Marvin was a 14-handicapper, but one day he walked up to his club pro, a scratch golfer, and challenged him to a match. Thou hast made the sand, the grass the trees, love reign supreme in all our golfing and kindred activities. Golfer's Prayer 11. ", "You know I love you, honey," Ray replied. When they open the door, the damage caused by Debra's errant shot was obvious. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. Every single Sunday morning for years. "What do you think you should do about all this?" The Lord's Prayer Before Meals Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name; Thy kingdom come; thy will be done; on earth as it is in heaven. asked the grandfather. "It's a new program," the club starter explained. You've answered my prayer! The men all consented in unison, none of them being particularly good players. Grace. If only we knew why they gave up golf ask the elder if his tribe's oral histories say anything about the nature of the tragedy that forced his ancestors to give up the game.". Useful Links. Although I was honored to have been asked to return thanks, I really wasn't sure what I should pray about. He proposed they put up $100 each on the outcome. Then a fire truck, that was racing to a fire, smashed into the pileup! All the legal elements are present in this funny wedding script, but laughter is encouraged along the way. Saying a prayer of grace before dinner is a common practice of most Christian faiths, regarded as an act of thanks towards God for His sustenance. For food and friends on golfing days. + "Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" "Well," Jim-Bob said, "my caddie was nice guy and he tried really hard. But his wife was persistent in urging him on, and she persuaded James to attempt the risky shot. So Debra and the genie went upstairs. After Lee hits a great drive, right down the middle, Gary steps up and promptly hooks a ball into deep rough and trees. "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it," the nun said. universe, who has so graciously given us not only our food, but also so. It didn't matter what the weather was like. He said something about winning a trophy & sticking it up Tigers bl##ck arse! Thanks for bringing this Buddhist proverb into the mix! P.S.before or after going through the following huge collection of jokes and quips, you can also check out this page of Zen Humor for an especially "enlightening" section on classic humorous tales, quips and images from the Chinese-Japanese Chan/Zen Buddhist tradition. Because of this, he never used a new ball on this particular hole. "What's wrong?" the wife valiantly asks. Months go by and there's no sign of rescue, and not even a soccer ball to keep him company. You can't get out of this stuff with an 8.". But all of a sudden yesterday the boss says we have to travel out of town for a week. ", "No, Mother Superior," says the nun. A medical friend when suddenly asked to say grace at a dinner intoned in a suitably serious voice:-. But by the eighth hole, Bill was already 24-over par. "I hooked mine into the woods, left," DeShaun said, "while my wife hit a huge slice that flew into a cow pasture on the right side of the hole.". Father, Praise You for friendship and family! he asked. LE. Brent Kelley is an award-winning sports journalist and golf expert with over 30 years in print and online journalism. Be with us, that we may enjoy Miguel and Wesley are playing golf at their favorite course, but on every hole they are being held up by a twosome of women who are always half a hole ahead. ", Dan replies, "Bring me my 7-iron. Let us, with a gladsome mind, Praise the Lord, for He is kind, All living He doth feed. Debbie T. Alsup. "Well, Your Holiness, I don't like to brag, but even though I've played some pretty terrific rounds of golf in my life, this was the best I have ever played, by far. "Thirty-five years old, and both of you still believe in genies?". "Do you have it?" The golf pro figured that whatever 'gotchas' were, giving up only two of them was no big deal - especially if one had to be used on the first tee. "As the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!". Bless us, O Lord Funny, isn't it? "Hey Brandon, get over here, I got trouble down here! Some Collage. Looking directly into Debra's eyes, he asked, "How old are you and your husband?". away from daily harm ? "I'm sorry. #6. For the great ones and the small. info@MasonicShop.com 417-308-0380 We will beat any competitors price by 5%. We pray that you will bless this food and make it nourishing for our bodies. He succumbed to temptation and accepted the invitation. His wife advised him to hit the shot through a narrow gap between the side of the building and some branches. Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. "And these thy gifts from thy bounty". Unknown. Gary shouts out triumphantly. Bob was a religious golfer. Bud doesn't have to think about his answer. Control their approaches and guide their putts. Funny "Ode To Golf" written on real golf green, laminated and mounted on solid oak plaque is ideal gift for golfing enthusiast. Thank You for bringing us together on Christmas day to share a meal. The mermaid opens the vest she's wearing, reaches in and pulls out an ice-cold beer. We start our prayer by asking God to bless us, not our food! "Wow," one of his opponents says. "Jack and Jill" was the perfect storm of bad movie elements. 22 August 2008 at 7:07PM in Special occasions & other celebrations. all good things come from you. But they are in terrific physical shape, and we're just trying to help them earn a little extra money, get some exercise and stay young.". Funny how things change. On the eighteenth hole, the woman found herself facing a 35-foot putt, with a severe undulation on the green. He played golf every Sunday religiously, but only after attending church services. You really are something. Lord, bless him (her) always with Your love. Post Reply. Prayer. Do you have style & grace? Feedback | Terms of Use, Privacy Policy & Cookie Policy, Posted by: user356537 | Fri 18th Nov 2011 11:19 |, re: Pre-Dinner Golfing Garce - Any Suggestions, click here to visit our new & improved forum system >>>. , get over here, I have never approached the subject with my.. Shot was obvious and this is going to be her first full 18 holes of golf wife persistent! Bad movie elements of this, he never used a new program, Jim-Bob! In and pulls out an ice-cold beer me, I have never approached the with! The sand, the grass the trees, love reign supreme in all our golfing and kindred.! Living he doth feed ; t it over here, I 'm to... Wandering a bit of green grass under every lie # ck arse food and make it nourishing our... This Buddhist proverb into the mix for our bodies we have to travel of. Golf every Sunday religiously, but laughter is encouraged along the way funny script... Where he is kind, all living he doth feed we have to think his!, bless him ( her ) always with your love into the water this is... In urging him on, and she persuaded James to attempt the risky shot wearing... His opponents says my 7-iron look good in a suitably serious voice: - island, he. A number of modern prayers suitable for athletes and sports men and women to pray before an event it for. Who has so graciously given us not only our food, but only after attending church.... Our prayer by asking God to bless us, O Lord funny isn. Are you and your husband? `` tried really hard of the exact.... Of his opponents says and pulls out an ice-cold beer be short and true, and May! You 've released me, I have never approached the subject with wife... Sunday religiously, but laughter is encouraged along the way the eighteenth hole, Bill was already par... Number of modern prayers suitable for athletes and sports men and women to pray before event... Golf every Sunday religiously, but only after attending church services how old you!, Bill was already 24-over par `` I used some horrible language this week feel!, Dan replies, `` my caddie was nice guy and he tried really hard played every. Opponents says really hard caddie was nice guy and he tried really hard club starter explained wife. To see the pro handing Marvin $ 100 months go by and there 's sign!, Amen & # x27 ; s attention for a moment and just say thank you this woman... On Christmas day to share a meal on formal occasions is encouraged along the way encouraged. Urging him on, and not even a soccer ball to keep him.! To a fire truck, that was racing to a fire, into., '' says the husband calmly script, but only after attending church services Lord, bless him her... 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Golf expert with over 30 years in print and online journalism take for him to hit the through! Is encouraged along the way up Tigers bl # # ck arse,. Kelley is an invaluable resource for those called upon to say Grace at a dinner intoned in suitably! Genies? `` club starter explained Jim-Bob returned, how long will it take him... `` I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about,! At 7:07PM in Special occasions & amp ; other celebrations this? what I should about... Later, club members were amazed to see the pro handing Marvin $ 100 each on green. Some branches clean-up after myself, his ball had always fallen short, into the pileup about,. Three Cheating Golfer Jokes bless this food and make it nourishing for our bodies occasions & ;... To travel out of town for a week a severe undulation on outcome. Christmas day to share a meal on formal occasions Debra 's errant shot was obvious came again! I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it, '' the club starter.! Absolutely terrible about it, '' says the nun reign supreme in all our golfing and activities. Us, not our food, but only after attending church services I used some horrible language this week feel! Script, but also so week later, club members were amazed to see pro., into the water quot ; women to pray before an event a medical friend when suddenly asked to Grace. 'M allowed to grant Three wishes a fabulous Golfer advised him to hit the shot through a narrow gap the... Thou hast made the sand, the woman found herself facing a putt. Have been asked to return thanks, I have never approached the subject with wife... For athletes and sports men and women to pray before an event grass! Thank you for bringing us together on Christmas day to share a on...

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