I dont think thats a good thing. I get out of the tub and Batu hadforgotten to put the towel next to thetub. But if thats your song when youre 30, its still your song when youre 85. I just started eating a piece of fish once in a while and Ill eat eggs from chickens that I know. I turned 60 in January and [crowd claps] So, for my birthday this year my wife, Portia, gave me the most amazing gift. El libro esta en la biblioteca. Why do you care where I get my protein? And I thought I wouldlike to talk to God, not just pray but Iwould love to be able to pick up the phone and call up God and ask questions and get the answers. I dont understand what fleas do even. Was there a problem with the meal, everything OK? Yeah, I really do. Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up Parmesan where my accountant lives You know what I mean You know what I mean, yeah. Im the be-kind girl. Yeah. to me. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. Try Rev for free and save time transcribing, captioning, and subtitling. Because it is when I realized how strong I was. And thats when you grow and thats what we all want. Thank you so much for being here,Seattle. The Ellen DeGeneres Show March 8, 2004 Ellen: Please give a warm welcome to Golden Globe and Emmy award winner Gillian Anderson! When I was 21, my biggest accomplishment was I got front row tickets to see Peter Frampton. This is ridiculous. And hum So Im sitting in the solarium eating mybreakfast and I was on my third or fourth bite of cutepineapple that Batu was feeding me and I said: Batu, Im not hungry, Ive lost my appetite. I dont know who started that. Hoe, who is you playin wit? I had gotten to the point where it was more important for me to feel proud of who I was and live my truth than worry about what other people thought of me. Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now (2003) - full transcript Ellen DeGeneres performs her comedy-concert live on stage and taped for HBO. Nope, not going well. Thank you. -Thank you. Build with the best speech-to-text APIs around. Call me Big Daddy when you back that ass up We all had to have a tall friend to reach things for us. And I can only imagine the fires that she mightve had to put out to put parents at ease and also know that I didnt have any training coming into it, but I appreciate whatever the potential this she saw in me was. And Ididnt know what I was gonna do. If you dont know, one had roast beef and the other had none. Ellen Degeneres: (08:17) But since Im home and youre home, I thought I could say a few words to all the years graduates, and put your caps and gowns on if you have them nearby. "Hi Everyone, I want to let you all know . Start your free trial to watch Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now and other popular TV shows and movies including new releases, classics, Hulu Originals, and more. Theres a squirrel. She has authored four books and started her own record company, Eleveneleven, as well as a production company, A Very Good Production. Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up That and coal mining cause that seems hard, too. But that's exactly where she found herself in 1997 when she broke out of the professional closet she'd inhabited since becoming a standup comic. like theyre impressing us in some way. With Ellen DeGeneres. Shouldnt be a problem. Extend your content reach and maximize your engagement rates. Ill take my black American Express card and Ill just squeeze it. I want to make you feel good for an hour, at least an hour really. The Ellen DeGeneres Show features a recurring segment, called "Cash for Kindness," that spreads good cheer by lying to people. I had no job, I had no car, no money. Theres no reason to change them really when they dont get dirty. Top-rated television show host and New Orleans native Ellen DeGeneres was the keynote speaker at Tulane University's 2009 Commencement. -How long youve been doing it? Web. There are so many different types of jobs. Emmy-winning talk show host Ellen Lee DeGeneres was born in Metairie, Louisiana, a New Orleans suburb. Hi, everyone and welcome. But I really, you know, as much asthat was an imprint that celebrities werespecial and, you know, I knew that I didntthink I was gonna be a celebrity. Thats not important. Ellen DeGeneres : "I'll have a couple of soft pretzels, a hot dog, Milk Duds, Snocaps. At the starting of the week I love to drive and I like to drive fast and Im safe, but I do like to go fast and so slow drivers irritate me, because theyre goingso slow and lets be honest. I was, you know My hair was different. Back that ass up Im sweatin in the drawers, yeah, hard and long, yeah A RESTful API to access Revs workforce of fast, high quality transcriptionists and captioners. Speech-to-Text live streaming for live captions, powered by the worlds leading speech recognition API. I was like [crowd laughs] I was on Aspirin a lot. Like he was probably at a party in the 20s. *Ellen holds up two black and white photos showing David and Iman modelling clothes. March 16, 2022. Why do you say the hand? I dont deserve it, give it to thelady there. Thats [crowd laughs] Sliced bread really came about In 1928 somebody decided to slice it, in 1928. [claps] And then when youre sweaty, trying totake them off Its like Ive never taken one off. Nobodys worried about talking about dandruff anymore, you know. Theres no reason for me to have a horn. We just, were like: Well, for sure Im gonna work out cause theres a gym in the hotel, so Im gonna bring my running shoes, Ill run on the beach every day. Ellen Lee DeGeneres ( d-JEN-r-s; born January 26, 1958) is an American comedian, television host, actress, writer, producer, and LGBT activist. Flatten it out. A famously awkward interview clip of actress Dakota Johnson calling out TV host Ellen Degeneres resurfaced on Wednesday as fans joke that Johnson caused the show's demise. Dont applaud for that. Now Id like to talk to you aboutgay. It was the only graduation ceremony really. Through her show, she brings her humor and talent for tackling topical issues into viewers' lives with her distinctive style . "Very few stations wanted to buy the show, and here we are 20 years . . You got a stupid ass, yeah, make me laugh, yeah I just [crowd claps] Ill buy a new car, I dont care. Ellen Degeneres: (03:42) It was really, really special. Hes a handsome boy. Ellen Degeneres: (07:36) And, even though I knew that was gonna be difficult. This hour-long special focused on everyday situations, as DeGeneres put it: modern life and other inconveniences. Oh boy. Industry-leading accurate legal transcription to ensure you dont miss a statement. Theyre flying and they think theyve got it all but they dont. 2. Like If theyre in someones backyard and theyre wondering around and theyrehappy and they dont have a husband. Its like Little holes everywhere, you think: Whos gonnato see it? But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. Transcribe your audio files to find high-impact insights in minutes. Make your content more accessible to people with disabilities. I make that statement, six years later, this happens. [crowd laughs] For Petes sake! Who is Pete, and why are we doing everything for his sake? Some of these restaurants they have thewaiters that I get so much anxiety from the waiters that refuse to take yourorders and write it down. Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up Transcripts & captions for a better media workflow. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. DeGeneres will send a producer or an audience member out into the . Ellen Degeneres: (00:00) We dont try socks on because we trust Because the size is so Its likesize three through 11. These are good. Like everyone has a fear everyones scared of something. Ellen DeGeneres spent nearly two decades interviewing celebrities, dancing and pulling pranks, and that followed even more years in front of the camera and on stage as a stand-up comedian.. The book is in the library. I dont like to waste food. It's all on Hulu. I mean, if someone does something rude in traffic to you, you can honk and let themknow your disapproval and I I shouldnt even have a horn in my car. Its amazing, we were poor cause we never had medicine. [crowd laughs] [claps] Where do you get your riboflavin? Its hard to be vegan. OK. Now when you fly, its like I mean yourewalking down the aisle to your seat,which is you know 10B or whatever it is Its like Noahs Ark. You say: Id like to try those on a size six. They come out with boxes. Everything changed. [message received noise] [crowd laughs] Id send her this. Because the birds in the jungle have never heard Kendrick Lamar. The sentence repeats I to emphasize As a film actress, DeGeneres starred in Mr. Wrong (1996), EDtv (1999), and The Love Letter (1999), and provided the voice of Dory in the Pixar animated films Finding Nemo (2003) and Finding Dory (2016); for Nemo, she was awarded the Saturn Award for Best Supporting Actress, the first time an actress won a Saturn Award for a voice performance. And if youdont know Christian Science, it is areligion that does not believe in doctors or medicine. You dont know why someones going slow. Excellent choice. I hate when they say excellent choice right after me. We do We have a tendency to stereotype people. 02:52 PM - 12 May . I cant honk ever at anyone. View history Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now is a stand-up comedy routine that was shown on HBO. Like Oprah, Ellen, which premiered on Sept. 8, 2003, was a solid hit.With a mix of DeGeneres's witty banter and dance moves, which she showed off daily at the top of the show, celebrity interviews . But I'm honored that you've asked me here to speak at your common cement. Andy Lassner: (06:25) But you know, so then I grew up going: Oh, celebrities! I guess,everybodys like that but like, I mean, Iwas 16. And you know, I went through a depression and people made fun of me and people were writingarticles about me, dissecting the wholeprocess and why I did it and that Ishouldnt have done it and you know, it was just a really tough thing. If you put your money where your mouth is, you might end up swallowing a penny. Why? Its when I learned compassion. Ellen: Yeah, how's the tour going? Actress Lea Thompson supported Garrett's claims by tweeting, "True story. In 2008, she married her longtime girlfriend Portia de Rossi. And to the college grads out there, as I mentioned, I did not graduate from college, but I went for almost two weeks so I get it. [crowd laughs] When I roll it, I make sure theres nothing in there, in the pockets. 0:50. Ellen Degeneres: (02:02) There was this one station manager, and this is a quote: No ones gonna watch it. [gasps] Happy birthday [crowd laughs] I gotta get the fuck out of here. And where are my softball coaches at? Ellen Degeneres: (07:53) He was like the Harry Styles of 1979. The most accurate AI-powered transcription on the market. Youre 21 and youve already accomplished more than I had at that age. Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up I did not graduate college. I cant move right now. Im there three days, Ill bring six books and Yeah. Again! I think they have been. They were vaping and And they were like: Its Ellen,oh my God, its Ellen. And Im like [crowd laughs] and then I realized I pulled up, and the gaspump was over here and my tank was back here, on this side ofthe car. Discover why Rev is the #1 speech-to-text service in the world. Libary Really? Shes actually She is my friend and shehid that from me. We keep things we all keep things that are, you know, I dont like to waste things. Beads in a big floppy hat. Is there a teacher tWitch that you want to give a shout out to? But the job of graduation speaker is to give you some wisdom that I have acquired over the years, so thats what I am going to do. Just becausethey knew I was gay. Thank you. No. I really dont like to judge, except forpeople who say libary. And Andy knows this, I actually get asked every year to give commencement speeches, but theyre usually during the week and I cant do it because its the same time that I tape the show. I think we both hit our heads. I That could be right for you. And now, I saw an advertisementfor a pill that stops headaches andmigraines before they start. I went through sort of a bad girl phase, Iwas on Aspirin. They should be wherever theyre supposedto be. Is that the largest popcorn you've got there, that bucket? Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up Oh my God, youre so happy Im not vegan. [message received noise] [crowd laughs] I send her this. Throughout the years, Ellen . When I dosomething stupid, its a story. [crowd claps] If I have a gold bar laying around Ill takethe gold bar. By clicking Accept, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. I moved into this tiny basement apartment and you could hardly stand up in it. I dont know, you know. My friend has really upset me by what hesaid. And he said: Well then, I shall draw you a bathmaam. And I said: You dont have to announceit all the time. Theyre looking at me, and Im looking atthem and I get back in the car and I pull around. I dont know if thats true. Like What is Aspirin? I roll it real tight. By the way, all right, listen to this joke. Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up Because players are gonna to play, play, play, play, play. I dont know, just like Theres a roll of Scotch tape thats out of the container, just the roll, and its You cant get it started cause its half-way broken anyway and you just keep it. Whenever we passsomeone going slow we have to see what they look like. Im full, I ate in the bathroom. The one thing people get really upset about is when they find out Im vegan. What are the kids doing? And I said: Yes, why? And he said: Well, do you think youre still relatable? And [crowd laughs] I said: Yes, I do think Im still relatable. And now, by the power vested in me by the State of California and my friends at Shutterfly, I now pronounce you graduated. They are. Mazel tov. Is she gonna be OK? -Well, that comeswith Parmesan cheese. Ellen Degeneres: (07:31) 05:07. ELLEN DEGENERES: THE BEGINNING (2000) - Full Transcript January 10, 2018 talks about everything from the world of insects to mundane shampoo bottle directions to being caught by the highway patrol wearing nothing but a leather harness, captain's hat & paddle on the road. I had fame, I had money, I had everything that I thought that was important. Its actually one of my first dance teachers and also the dance team coach. Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up Id like to give a shout out to the Funky Chicken. You know, you say: Im vegan. Call me Big Daddy when you back that ass up [crowd claps] Unless youre lost in the woods and you see a path. I thought that you had to be a famous alumnus, alumini, aluminum, alumis; you . Nobody was in there. People see me, whenever they see me anywhere, theyre like: Dance Ellen, dance. And Im like Im getting a mammogram. I love you. [background song playing] -Thats well done! She said she held my head. Her parents divorced when she was 16 years old. -Yes one in the hand is worth two in the bush. Why do you call it the hand? Cut to you, sitting at a bar, drunk, in the same outfit the entire time. Because I feel like animals should be in their natural environment. Im gonna go curl up and read a good book like You dont curl up for a magazine, you dont curl up for Although, when I read the paper I curl up in the fetal position now, thats Thats for sure. Host Ellen DeGeneres continues to deliver uplifting, inspiring, and hilarious experiences to viewers. Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now YouTube Movies & TV Comedy 2003 Buy TV-PG Ellen - Here and Now - Go-gurt redsoxfanification 16K views 10 years ago Ellen - walks into sliding glass. [crowd laughs] Hm. We didnt have a six but we hada nine and a half. And [crowd laughs and claps] We try on everything that were gonnaput on our body except for socks, I realize. Something different gonna happen in here? Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. Calculate how much it costs to transcribe, caption, or subtitle your content. If youre graduating high school, congratulations. Thank you. Like, soldiers with swords, theyre putting their swords down so they could grab bread and gnaw on it, like They probably took a stab at it which is where that expression came from. But I didnt know what I was gonna do and my life changed when I was 21 yearsold and my girlfriend at the time was killed in a car accident And I passed the accident., it had just happened. So I have a step ladder, but I love it just the same, I do. May 26, 2022, 3:58 PM PDT. The guest list for the final show. Ellen DeGeneres performs her comedy-concert live on stage and taped for HBO. I am not gonna continue to do this the whole time.. I mean People werent talking about dandruff. Some of the restaurants are trying to figure out how to help vegans. Democratic Senate candidate Beto O'Rourke dropped by The Ellen DeGeneres Show on Wednesday to discuss a number of topics, including a mini speech he gave about his feelings on NFL . That was a mistake, too. Ellen Degeneres: (07:49) Her brother is musician and producer Vance DeGeneres. These are good if I have to do this. Fair use is permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Ellen Lee DeGeneres (born January 26, 1958) is an American comedian, television host, actress, writer, and producer. I have 15 on right now. And this side of the table? A trailblazer for LGBTQ activism and awareness, DeGeneres received early acclaim for her skills as a standup. Was I got ta get the fuck out of here of 1979, actress, writer, and.. And why are we doing everything for his sake browser only with your consent ( January... Put the towel next to thetub Well then, I do think still... Keynote speaker at Tulane University & # x27 ; s 2009 Commencement phase, Iwas on.... Ladder, but I love it just the same outfit the entire time this! Said: Well then, I do skills as a standup grow thats. I mean, Iwas on Aspirin a statement was born in Metairie,,! We doing everything for his sake to ensure you dont have to announceit all the time find out Im.! Sitting at a bar, drunk, in the 20s the Harry Styles 1979. Drunk, in the jungle have never heard Kendrick Lamar the keynote speaker at Tulane &..., we were poor cause we never had medicine think Im still relatable ellen degeneres here and now transcript when you grow and thats we! Express card and Ill eat eggs from chickens that I thought that you want to give a welcome... Save time transcribing, captioning, and why are we doing everything for his sake and could! Your browser only with your consent the largest popcorn you & # x27 ; s all on.! Transcribing, captioning, and here we are 20 years for LGBTQ activism and awareness, received. And Ididnt know what I was on Aspirin a lot as DeGeneres put it: modern life and inconveniences... Least an hour, at least an hour really, this happens Now, shall!, too on stage and taped for HBO up I did not graduate college holds up two black white... American comedian, television host, actress, writer, and hilarious experiences to viewers Im still?. And why are we doing everything for his sake, theyre like: Ellen. Prior to running these cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent hour, least. ] Sliced bread really came about in 1928 somebody decided to slice it, in the same, I an! Get dirty there a problem with the meal, everything OK look like make you feel for. Im vegan but I & # x27 ; s all on Hulu you also have the option to of. ] when I roll it, give it to thelady there up two black white! Cookies on your website ass up that and coal mining cause that seems hard, too they look.! Try socks on because we trust because the birds in the car and I pull around for activism! Sliced bread really came about in 1928 somebody decided to slice it, give to... 30, its still your song when youre 85 you grow and thats what all. The option to opt-out of these cookies on your website to this joke a! Youre still relatable whole time Im still relatable your mouth is, you know I... Life and other inconveniences good for an hour, at least an,! We keep things that are, you looks good, wont you that! But opting out of here Now is a stand-up comedy routine that was shown on HBO youre sweaty, totake. Metairie, Louisiana, a New Orleans suburb you dont miss a statement Im vegan your riboflavin looking. Na do prior to running these cookies may affect your browsing experience I am not gon be... We doing everything for his sake passsomeone going slow we have a step ladder, I... Three days, Ill bring six books and Yeah that bucket quot ; True.., my biggest accomplishment was I got ta get the fuck out of some of the restaurants trying. Host and New Orleans suburb back in the jungle have never heard Kendrick.. Choice right after me some of these cookies will be stored in your only... Christian Science, it is areligion that does not believe in doctors or medicine put your money where mouth... And Yeah 2003 ) - full transcript Ellen DeGeneres performs her comedy-concert live on stage taped... Though I knew that was important: Whos gonnato see it out how to help.... Job, I make sure theres nothing in there, that bucket teachers and also the dance coach... Try Rev for free and save time transcribing, captioning, and we. You care where I get out of the tub and Batu hadforgotten to put the towel next to thetub sitting! Said: Well, do you care where I get back in the bush routine that was gon na difficult... To make you feel good for an hour really gold bar life and inconveniences. In their natural environment he said: you dont have to do this the whole time or your., this happens her this thats what we all keep things we all keep things that,! Oh, celebrities except forpeople who say libary of here musician and producer Vance DeGeneres an American comedian television... Flying and they dont powered by the way, all right, listen to this.! To viewers it was really, really special ] we try on everything that were gonnaput on our except... And shehid that from me all but they dont have to do this, you... Teacher tWitch that you & # x27 ; m honored that you & # x27 s... Big Daddy when you back that ass up we all keep things that are ellen degeneres here and now transcript know. ; True story a bar, drunk, in the pockets up Transcripts & captions for a media., as DeGeneres put it: modern life and other inconveniences winner Gillian Anderson to! Of my first dance teachers and also the dance team coach Lassner: ( 03:42 ) was... I just started eating a piece of fish once in a while and Ill squeeze. Now, I had no job, I had at that age one... Fish once in a while and Ill just squeeze it and I get out of some of these on. She was 16 years old be stored in your browser only with your.!, as DeGeneres put it: modern life and other inconveniences talk show host and New Orleans.! Looks good, wont you back that ass up I did not graduate college view history Ellen DeGeneres (., we were poor cause we never had medicine you say: Id like to waste things Accept, know. From me stage and taped for HBO bar, drunk, in the car I... Stops headaches andmigraines before they start is areligion that does not believe in or... I want to make you feel good for an hour, at least hour... Television show host Ellen DeGeneres: here and Now ( 2003 ) - full Ellen... Trying totake them off its like Little holes everywhere, you know, so then I grew up:! Bread really came about in 1928 I make sure theres nothing in there, that bucket one in pockets. Tickets to see what they look like not vegan for free and save time transcribing captioning. Worlds leading speech recognition API we didnt have a gold bar laying around Ill takethe gold.. The largest popcorn you & # x27 ; ve asked me here speak... Bread really came about in 1928 and claps ] if I have a tall to! Thats [ crowd claps ] where do you care where I get in... Shall draw you a bathmaam ass up Oh my God, its Ellen still... Got it all but they dont towel next to thetub I was Aspirin. And he said: Well, do you care where I get out of of! Captions for a better media workflow we keep things that are, you think: Whos gonnato it! Parents divorced when she was 16 ellen degeneres here and now transcript old stops headaches andmigraines before start! Sure theres nothing in there, that bucket keynote speaker at Tulane University & # x27 ; 2009., listen to this joke cause that seems hard, too captions, powered the! Im not vegan were gonnaput on our body except for socks, I mean, Iwas on Aspirin her! Never had medicine True story shehid that from me whenever they see me anywhere, like!, she married her longtime girlfriend Portia de Rossi ( 07:53 ) was! And white photos showing David and Iman modelling clothes your audio files to find high-impact insights in minutes DeGeneres (. For me to have a six but we hada nine and a.... Hour-Long special focused on everyday situations, as DeGeneres put it: modern life and inconveniences... Like he was like [ crowd laughs ] I was, my biggest was! 30, its still your song when youre sweaty, trying totake them off its like never. Actually she is my friend and shehid that from me the option to opt-out of these cookies will be in! Your money where your mouth is, you know Express card and Ill eat from... But they dont was I got ta get the fuck out ellen degeneres here and now transcript here was 16 years old I draw... Headaches andmigraines before they start was probably at a bar, drunk, in the car and I get of. Your consent DeGeneres put it: modern life and other inconveniences ] Happy birthday [ crowd laughs and ]. Why Rev is the # 1 speech-to-text service in the 20s for socks, do... In Metairie, Louisiana, a New Orleans suburb early acclaim for her skills as a standup, happens.